Silence

I walk the path of silence, I believe it kinda defines me. I probably won't make much sense in this but read on if u want. Its sort of a mystery to me too, one that may go unsolved for a real long time, perhaps even forever. I blend wit silence most times as though it were my shadow, 4real, this is no illusion. There are times you'd never get a sound out of me let alone a word. I see silence as the herald of my solitude, the language of my seclusion. To me silence is hope, its the flower sprouting upon the stalk, its the clouds sleepwalking across the skies & fruits ripening on trees. Yes...I'm relating silence to fruits n flowers...guess it goes to show the depth of my fascination wit it.
Don't get me wrong o, I talk....I make noise a lot buh all that comes nowhere close to how much my silence reveals who I truly am. Some people say they find it intimidating (:) at the memory) a lot can't stand it. I believe its just a fear of the unknown that rattles them, makes them say ''silence is this..., silence is that...''. Silence is not to blame for it is what it is, a presence of great nothingness n if you can't handle that in me well then......that's just too bad.

Faceless

In dark dismay i sit wondering my damnation by teasing emotions that I haven't felt, O how i pine for some passion. Though I'm void of rest I hang in there cos I'm so scared of fading away, i crawl through the highs and lows searching for where I belong, for anyplace I can belong buh try as I may I do not succeed. I let myself be groped by shadows of sorrow and drift to sleep where I can look forward to my dreams . Alas, dreamtime is over and I awaken to face another graceless day alone with red-rimmed eyes and a solemn sigh.

The Pessimist

I'm a full fledged pessimist. There, i said it. I believe its some sorta defense mechanism for me. Disappointments, mishaps, betrayals n stuff dont weigh me down much cos in a way i was expecting it all. I'd just sit n believe this person isnt really into me so they'll definitely hurt me buh the whole time i guess i just expect it so much that i give them reasons to n end up pushing them away single handedly. Guess u can say i've got trust issues.......ok maybe just issues generally :). I know its not the best of things for me to be buh i needed a way out from under the fear of getting hurt n i guess i just got too comfortable......way to comfortable. My friend said i need help, i need to let someone in..... He's probably right huh...

Its A Paramore Thing

I find myself relating to Paramore songs so much its almost scary, they are wivout a doubt, my favourite rock band. First time I heard of paramore was 2008, i stumbled upon the video of 'thats what you get' buh there was no volume so i didn't think much of it. I noticed the name of the band though. Much later i thought to check 'em out n i just fell in love instantly. Songs like 'franklin', 'my heart', 'when it rains' among others just did it for me. Then 'brand new eyes' dropped and my love just went through the roof. I love the whole album, some songs more than others definitely. My fave's are 'The only exception' 'Brick by boring brick' 'ignorance'. I just love paramore.

Change

i've always been one for new adventures n stuff.. The whole spontaneity thing really works for me. Thats why its weird that i,ve been saying ''no'' to practically everything; i'd rather stay in, not hook up.... Its sooooo not me. I'm not sure if i should be worried or relieved that the phase is over cos lets face it, half the time it caused me more harm than good... Buh then again i do kinda miss it, not having to think hard about it, just doing it... Wiv the whole ''what happens, happens'' attitude. Maybe its just a lil break... I hope. :D

CRAZY

In my minds eye:

ɪ know the pain of the madman

The strength of demons & weakness of self-preservation

ɪ see darkness on high, blanketing the sky

ɪ mellow away to shades of grey

ɪ drift through mazes searching for nothing

ɪ stand, faceless to this world

Then finally fold away, deep into myself

ɪ am losing all that is me, bit by bit

Alive

2weeks n a day, 15days since my quite unfortunate incident. Was I scared?? I don't remember being so at that moment I awoke n realized the car was swerving outta control. I sit down today n it feels like its somn I saw in a movie or read from one of my numerous James Patterson books. It doesn't feel like it was me in that car n I've got no idea if that's a good thing or a bad thing. All I've got is the pain, the pain pulls me back to reality, the pain reminds me of what I went through, telling me Fatima it was you, you went through that n you've got nothing to fear cos you're still here. You made it, you survived. N right now I can't help buh smile cos I made it, I survived. :)